Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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