So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
