do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
