I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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