Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
