Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize