He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
