i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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