You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
