Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
