2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize