I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
