She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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