I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
