Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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