Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
