Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
