I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize