Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
