Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
