I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
