yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
