Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
