Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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