so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
