I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize