lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We left the knife in your bed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
