im having a threesome with these popsicles
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
