Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
