I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
