I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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