I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
