It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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