Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
