my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
