He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize