so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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