the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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