Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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