Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
