I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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