I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
