Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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