Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
