Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
