I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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