If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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