i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
