will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
