I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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