FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
