like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
