literally had 100 drinks last night.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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