what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
