I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His nipple licking is glorious
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