im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
