Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
