May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
