Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
