we're blogging at a bar
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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