I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
