im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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