So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
