3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
