he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
