you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
