I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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