If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
