Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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