all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
