**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
